Trapped in my head

I was just thinking about this Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder thing that I’m in the process of being diagnisticate. I guess I never really thought about it because I thought that everybody’s head worked just like mine, or I liked to thing that way. But I was just lying to myself; I always knew something was different.


Feels like I’m trap in my head, I can’t concentrate in anything. I often start to plan something I want to do, but I never really get around doing it. And in the rare times that I do, I’m never able to finish it.


When I’m in class or something like that, I barely listen to what is being said. Suddenly I remember that I’m in class and that I have to stop thinking about what was the job of that Greek good that I forgot the name.


In the computer is not all that different, I just can’t do just one thing, is literally dozens of different sites with different content. And in the end I can’t really read anything.


I have this dream of being a writer and I really start writing books a couple of times, but I often let them go.


Other thing that pisses me off is forgetting stuff, and not like that towel over the bed, but thing that are very important, like paying the bills or the dates of my finals. It is like there is so much in my head that I forget everything else.


I’m a real perfectionist and really have to know what the next step is. Hate to do something that I’m not good at, unless if it is just do goof around.

I absolutely love music, and art in general. Other thing that I really wanted to do is start writing lyrics.

Speaking about love, I have this obsession about pretty much everything. It really comes with curiosity, love puzzles. It is like when I discovered Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I had to be good at it, and I worked my ass off to be. Or When I discover some new and interesting subject, I just have to know everything about it. And the problem is that my brain doesn’t help, if I cannot concentrate, I can’t really study anything.

Sometimes I feel like my brain is completely bored, and I’m in this constant search. Like one day I would finally find something to make it stop. Something that was just enough. Something really good.

In the mean time I guess I will go to therapy, probably start taking some kind of medication, finish the book I started writing last week and well, keep looking for the next thing.

by Rita T. Costa

tita_costa@hotmail.com